1) I dislike people who stand right in front of elevator doors, waiting for them to open, so that when i try to get off, they’re in my way. Where would you like me to go? Oh, I’ll get back on and go with you. You’re going to the proctologist on the 10th floor? Cool, can I come? This also happens on the subway

2) I dislike predatory straight men, especially middle-to older aged men. Who doesn’t? Of course, I’m male, so it’s not so bad for me, but I’m so embarrassed for these guys. I mean, c’mon. Look like you seen a woman before, for chrissakes.

3) Most of all, I hate this, although a pitchfork writer unconsciously waking up to his own bullshit by taking it out on other people has almost turned over into something funny, rather than a pet peeve, for me. Rants always turn back on their writers. Remember that.

Thus sayeth the Parnell.